People are idiots. If you’ve studied history, you know this quite well by now. Now, there’s crazy stupid, prideful stupid, and stupid stupid, and you’ll find that stupidity extends even to how various people in history died. A lot of people might think history is just boring names and dates, but trust me, these stories are so dumb they’re hilarious. So sit back, pop some popcorn, and be prepared for 5 of history’s most ridiculous deaths.
Death By Caviar
PHOTO: wikimedia
Overeating can kill you, as will be proved twice in this list. Our first victim to gluttony was Swedish King Adolf Frederick, who was King of Sweden during the 1700s. In 1771, Historians tell us that his last meal consisted of a feast of caviar, unheard-of amounts of seafood and sauerkraut, and that he somehow managed, after all of that, to cram down 14 servings of semla. After all that, he forced down a bun soaked in warm milk, and his stomach couldn’t handle that much food. It burst, and he died.
Death by Alarm Clock
PHOTO: DailyMail
Jerry-rigging an alarm clock to wake yourself up in the morning if you’re a heavy sleeper can be a good idea. But, in the case of a lamplighter from New York in the 1880s, it was a ridiculously bad idea. He created his own system involving a clock, a wire, and a ten-pound stone. Yeah, we’re not sure what he was thinking, either. One night, he had a raging party and moved his bed, and then he got so drunk he put it back in the wrong place. The heavily-intoxicated lamplighter fell asleep, and the next morning, his head was crushed by the ten-pound stone that was part of his alarm clock. Drinking and inventing do not mix, people!
Death by Conductor’s Wand
PHOTO: wikimedia
Okay, one thing to remember in this story is that back in the 1600s, conductors didn’t use the tiny batons we think of today. They used massive staffs to keep time in concerts, like the beat of a drum. So, this one conductor called Jean-Baptiste Lully was conducting one night during a performance for French King Louis XIV. In the middle of a song, he managed to hit himself in the foot with his heavy staff. Now, you might not think that this was a fatal blow, but this guy just had the worst luck in the world. The wound developed gangrene, and Lully was the kind of over-dramatic soul that wouldn’t allow doctors to cut it off, because he wanted to be a dancer. Because of it, he died in horrific agony.
Death by Roast Goose
PHOTO: wikimedia
Remember how we said overeating can actually kill you? Well, a Swedish king wasn’t the only person to die of indigestion. King Martin of Aragon lived during the late 1300s and early 1400s, and apparently one night he thought it was a brilliant idea to eat an entire roast goose all by himself. The king retired to his bedroom to sleep off his meal, but the king’s jester, Borra entered his bedroom and told a joke. The joke was so funny that the king laughed so hard his stomach burst, and he died. Moral of the story: that attempt to finish an entire large pizza by yourself might not be a good idea.
Death by Hugging the Moon…Or Trying To, Anyway
PHOTO: britannica
This guy’s name was Li Po. He was one of the most celebrated poets in the history of Chinese Literature, and lived during the Golden Age of China. He wrote over 1,00- poems, and many of them have survived in the thousands of years since his death. But, not only is his poetry fascinating, his death is, too. The story goes like this: Li Po was sitting in a boat, floating down the Yangtze River one night. He was staring up at the sky in poetic observation, and then he looked down at the reflection of the moon in the rippling water. According the stories, he was so entranced with the moon’s beauty that he tried to embrace the image. I don’t know why he thought this was a good idea, but apparently he leaned so far out of the boat in an attempt to hug the reflection of the moon in the river that he fell out of the boat and drowned. We’re not sure whether or not this story is completely factual or not, but it’s entered Chinese culture and is the accepted version of the story nevertheless.
Some people may argue that history is the story of people dying right and left, and, well, they’re not wrong. Trust me, there’s a lot more where these came from, and you probably won’t find them in a textbook. If you enjoyed these, you’ll love the previous post: 3 of the Stupidest Deaths in History. Keep tuned in. We’ll keep digging up more!